Week 2
Principle of Obliquity
I am a fixer and a doer. I like to fix problems - my own, but particularly other people’s problems.
That becomes a problem in itself, when I lose myself in that process by trying to fix other’s in order to fix my own.
I figured that if I made sure my romantic partners were happy and satisfied in life, that I would also feel that way.
As long as she is happy, then there would be less problems in the relationship and I would feel less stress.
They would be able to support me and I would have more energy to go after my dreams.
I’d finally have the courage to leave my job and do something else that I have a passion for.
I’d have more time to figure out how I can earn more money and buy a home one day.
And when I have it all, then I’ll have the free time I need to look after myself and do all the things I love like yoga, reading, swimming in the ocean etc.
But for now, I just need fix other people’s problems and change them so that I feel less stressed because of them.
The above is not a metaphor.
It was exactly what went on in my head everyday - for several years.
You only have to read my story to realize that this was a real thing for me.
The angst of needing to fix my circumstances was perpetual, until I realized that this form of thinking was a result of the stressed state of my body.
What I thought was the problem, was not the problem.
In business, there is a concept called the Principle of Obliquity - whereby complex goals are best achieved indirectly.
If a company announces shareholder return as its number one goal, perhaps we should beware: the most profit-orientated companies aren't usually the most profitable.
Paradoxical as it sounds, if you want to go in one direction, the best route may involve going in another.
Want more profits? Focus on helping other people through your business.
Want to stop having problems show up in relationships? Focus on your relationship with Self
Want to feel happier with your work and discover what the next step might be? Focus on your relationship with Self
Want to have more abundance in your life and feel less stressed about paying your rent/mortgage and your bills? Focus on your relationship with Self
Great Leo. I get it, relationship to Self is #1.
But how do I do that while everything around me is crumbling?
I don’t mean to say you need to neglect your day to day responsibilities.
It is to consider that the current emotional state that you’re in is not conducive to helping you move forward with these “problems.”
By having a regulated nervous system - and a connection with your Self, you can receive clarity of what (your gut is telling you) to do and actually have the fortitude and resilience to do it.
Otherwise, it is your survival instinct that is running the show and perpetuating the problem of more stress in your life.
It is time to take a different route.
To consider that what you were doing before, was not working and to blaze another trail.
An indirect one - with no paved road.
To the mind, it makes no sense on the map.
Wanting more certainty and security, but inviting spontaneity and unpredictability into life?
Turning the focus away from others and the circumstances and directing your attention back to Self?
Interesting…novel…obscure…
Let the process guide you, further into the unknown.
Obliquity is characteristic of systems that are complex, imperfectly understood, and change their nature as we engage with them.
We do not maximize shareholder value or the length of our lives, our happiness or the gross national product, for the simple but fundamental reason that we do not know how to and never will.
The individuals who are most successful at making money are not those who are most interested in making money.
And so, the greatest happiness is rarely achieved by those who set out to be happy.
Attend this week’s classes with a Candle, Glass of Water, Yoga Mat, Journal & Blanket (optional)
Do the Self-Care Sequence below as often as possible this week.
Find a day where you can try the Hot Bath Sequence below
Self-Care Sequence - (13 mins)
The Hot Bath Sequence
This exercise is best done when you have a couple hours to relax afterwards. It is also very helpful before going to bed.
Run a hot bath - make sure it is as hot as what you’d experience in a hot tub (or even more)
If you have epsom salts - add 1-2 cups to help your body relax
Play the video below once you’re ready to get in - there’s an option of music or no music
After it’s done, it is a potent time for journaling or spending time with Self.