My Breakup Recovery Story
I never thought I’d get over the pain of my breakup…
When my ex left me, I was completely shocked and devastated. I had never experienced so much emotional pain and fear. I was not aware of a reason for the breakup, so I had no closure either. I just couldn't make sense of what had happened, and I was deeply confused for a long time.
Most mornings, I woke up anxious and worried. If I got a text, I hoped it was my ex saying she wanted to get back together. I secretly wished I would bump into her when I was out, but terrified at the same time that I might see her with someone else.
I ruminated all day about how it could have been different - Was it something I said? Did she cheat on me? What did I do wrong? Why would she do something like this?
One minute I’d be raging with anger. The next, I was overwhelmed with sadness and grief. Though I had heard about the roller coaster emotions from others, I still felt like I was crazy.
I thought I could figure it out…
I tried talking with friends, but it seemed they couldn’t truly understand what I was experiencing.
I thought perhaps a counsellor would be better, but all they could tell me was “it’s normal, time will eventually heal the pain.” As I sat there wondering how a breakup could leave me in such a miserable place, that promise was hard to believe.
Before all of this happened, I was a happy, confident and ambitious person. After such a long time of still not being recovered, I felt ashamed and wondered - “is something wrong with me?”
But I knew I had to pull myself out of my self-pity. I put on a strong face and applied everything I knew to help me get out of this emotional pit. I meditated, journaled, practiced yoga, worked out, read self-help books, and recited affirmations like “you’re worthy, you can do this, you deserve self-love…”
Despite the hard work, I was no saint either. I started smoking again, drank at night, binged Netflix and buried myself in work to distract myself. I shopped online and went on every dating app to make myself feel better. Healthy or not, none of it ultimately made any difference.
As several years passed on, I eventually stopped thinking about my ex. I changed jobs, moved cities and even found a new romantic partner. Although I was no longer feeling the acute effects of the breakup, the new normal was dull and lifeless. Nothing really excited me anymore.
The changes I made had given me a small boost of inspiration, but it quickly wore off. I kept falling back into thinking “Life is hard. When will this end? Maybe I’ll feel happy if I start travelling again...”
And then it happened…
Out of nowhere, a severe week-long panic attack brought back all the unresolved emotion from the breakup. I snapped back into a state of fear and anxiousness, and I was confronted with a brutally honest realization:
If I keep pushing this down, it will haunt me for the rest of my life. I need to find help to move forward from this breakup once and for all.
So, I searched long and hard, with the faith that I would find an answer. Of all places, at a music festival, I discovered something called Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT).
Using this technique was the start of my journey to finally releasing the unprocessed emotions from my breakup. I committed to working with an EFT coach 1-on-1. With each session, I started to feel the emotional cloud begin to lift. I felt like I could breathe again!
The light bulb moment for me that changed everything was when my coach helped me revisit the events of my breakup to confront the fear and hurt I experienced. I was given a safe space to fully express and integrate my emotional pain, which I never had before. For the first time, I felt like I was heard.
From then on, I felt the letting go of my dark past. I stopped hearing the negative self-talk, the obcession of fixing myself, and the fear of when will this end. I realized how I had given myself away in the relationship and my connection to myself started to came alive again.
I was ready to begin dreaming, designing and building up my life again - with a newfound sense of peace, joy and personal power.
Without help, nothing would have changed…
I’ve come a long way and can now look back at my journey and see the transformation that occurred:
I left a career I didn’t enjoy and began pursuing a lifelong passion of becoming a carpenter. I’m now proudly designing and building my own camper van, and eventually an off-grid home
I have more time and freedom, and still making more money than before. Most importantly, I am connected to a mission that excites me - all as a result of putting my own needs and desires first in life
I’m in a fulfilling and conscious relationship where I’m expressing my boundaries and experiencing genuine love and intimacy
I’ve built a close network of friends, healthcare professionals and a support community that I can go to for help at any time
I’m more self-sufficient than ever, with practices and tools for maintaining my emotional and mental health
I’ve created closure and self-acceptance, and am stronger, wiser and more loving because of the breakup.
My belief is that recovery happens in community. My goal now is to build a space where people are provided the learning and confidence to transform their lives through their breakups.
It was easily the most difficult thing I've ever endured.
But the fact is: they do happen, you don't have to suffer alone, and there is hope in finding peace, happiness and new love again.
Read on to see what you’re recovery could look like…