The Community
“We are hurt in relationship and we heal in relationship”
What is
The Community?
The Community is a platform to communicate and engage with the other members using the mobile and desktop app Slack.
It’s an incredibly easy tool to use, and what I found to be the best way to stay in connection with other people.
What is
the Purpose?
To provide a safe space for people to share about their breakups and grow from this experience together.
To connect deeply with others who are going through a similar experience and receive support from each other.
🔥 To ensure that this is a safe space to explore our recovery, we require guidelines so that everyone understands how to best engage with each other.
Guidelines
🔥 Please carefully read through these guidelines so that you understand how to create a safe space in this community. 🔥
The Do’s
-
In the Slack channel - #wins, you can share about any successes to do with your recovery.
Examples:
* Celebrating yourself doing self-care practices (photos/videos welcomed)
* Positive changes or reflections about your Journey
* A courageous act like No Contact, trying something new, etc.
Ways to express this:
“Something I’d like to share with all of you is I did my self-care practices everyday I have scheduled on my calendar this week. I’ve never been consistent before and now I feel AMAZING! Thank you for inspiring me here to look after myself.”
“I just let my ex know that I’m doing No Contact. It felt super scary to do it, but I’m proud that I did it as I know this is the best decision for me. I’m glad I have all of you here to support me through this.” -
In the Slack channel - #vulnerabilities, you can share about what you’re going through and to be seen and heard by others.
Examples:
* Your challenges with No Contact
* Self-judgment about your recovery process
* Uncomfortable feelings that you’re experiencing (ie. loneliness, sadness, anger)
Ways to express this:
“I noticed myself today being really hard on myself for not recovering faster. I missed yesterday’s self-care and feeling guilty for not doing more. I’m trying to be more compassionate with myself right now by breathing and letting myself know it’s okay to be where I’m at. I appreciate you all for just listening and being there for me as I go through this.”
“I have the urge to text my ex right now so I’m posting here to connect with you all to remind myself that I have support in my life and I don’t need to get it from him. It feels sad that I can’t reach out, and I’m doing my best to just be with this sadness, as I’m learning its important that I don’t avoid my feelings. Love you all!” -
In the Slack channel - #questions, you can ask Leo questions about this program and support with your recovery process. I’ll do my best to answer every question, but I cannot guarantee that I can. There is also a FAQ section.
Examples:
* Troubleshooting issues with the membership site
* Questions about the self-care tools
* Questions about No Contact, creating an in-person network, grief etc.
Ways to express this:
“I’m noticing that I’m falling asleep at the end of the yoga practice, is that normal?”
“I’d like to transfer my account to a 6 month membership, how do I do that?”
“I’m doing the EFT practices and I keep having the same emotion come up, I’m not sure if I’m being specific enough, can you advise?” -
For many people, sharing in the #wins and #vulnerabilities can be a huge act of courage.
The best way to support them is to acknowledge them by letting them know you’re there.
People just want to be seen and heard for the experience they’re having.
Ways to express this:
“Way to go, I’m so happy for you! You’re doing a great job”
“Thank you for sharing, your story resonates and I feel really close to you.”
“Letting you know I’m here for you and empathize with what you’re going through.”
“I’m inspired by you! I’m going to go and do the same this week.”
The Dont’s
-
When people share, they do so to express themselves and not to have their problems solved. We regard everyone as capable of managing their own lives.
Therefore, there is no tolerance for advice giving or feedback.
Examples:
* Don’t tell people what to do - “you should just block him”
* Don’t offer a quote or recommend things - “you should read this book, it helped me”
* Don’t share about how you overcame a similar problem - “I went through that, this is what I did…”
* Don’t fix or change them with solutions - “If you stop thinking that way, you’ll be fine.”
*If you’re uncertain if what you’re saying is advice, best to just say “Thank you for sharing!” -
We all have our own views about breakups. It’s important that we keep it to ourselves as this is not a place to discuss our opinions about breakups, but rather our personal experience.
ExamplesDon’t say things like:
“No Contact doesn’t work.”
“We’re worthy and our ex doesn’t deserve us”
“If you’re having difficulty moving on, it’s probably due to trauma or childhood issues.”
-
This is not a place to blame your ex or complain about your recovery process. We do our best to take responsibility for our situation and the way that we feel.
Examples
Don’t say things like
“If my ex didn’t cheat on me, I wouldn’t be here.”
“I’m not feeling any better, what is wrong with me?”
“I can’t believe my ex is seeing someone already, what a jerk.”
-
If you want to continue a conversation with someone, please Direct Message (DM) them.
Do not clog up the chat with back and forth messaging.
*You can move the conversation out of the channel by saying “I’ll DM you”
-
There are many social media platforms where you can get content about breakups and relationships. We want to keep this space dedicated to sharing our personal Journey.
ExamplesDon’t share posts or videos from other people’s content
Don’t share memes or inspirational quotes
Don’t share things unrelated to breakups (like cat photos)
The Agreements
🔥 By joining the Community:
You will follow the guidelines so that there is a safe space for people to express themselves.
You agree to keep the information shared in The Community confidential - as in you will not take anything that’s posted and share it with anyone or anywhere outside of The Community (unless permission is granted by the person who’s shared). This safeguards our privacy and ensures trust and safety in this container.
At the top of each #channel is a link to the guidelines - if you forget, read the Do’s and Dont’s to refresh your memory.
If you violate the guidelines, your post may be removed and be reminded of the guidelines
If you continue to violate the guidelines or agreements, you may be permanently removed from the Slack group
When you join…
Add a profile picture - as this helps us to connect w/ you
Add your city/country in your profile name - as it gives a chance for people to meet up locally
Introduce yourself…
In the #General channel, share with us:
What are you currently struggling with? 😢
What are you wanting to learn or have more acceptance of? ❤️
As you go through the #4 channels on the left-hand side, you’ll find the description on the top bar where you’ll discover what each channel is used for.
